Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
