i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
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The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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