Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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