for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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