I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
