For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
