good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
