Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize