is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
