I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
