my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
