I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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