well you can't waste a boner
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
