That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
