he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
