paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My balls are so social today.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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