we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
