suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
