4 words: hood of his car
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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