Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
