Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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