I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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