i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize