i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
