my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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