Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
