his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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