Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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