i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
