I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
