One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
