I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
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I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
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It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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