I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
