how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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