I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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