How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
