pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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