I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
