I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
