He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
