Jerry, you need to find god
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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