The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
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Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
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