My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
