well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize