So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
