youre lurking in front of me
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
