my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
