So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
