I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
