I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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