Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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