yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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