it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
