Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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