hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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