I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
