i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
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he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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