I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
