I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
