Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
