Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Small penises have feelings too.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
