i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
